Missing but Moved On

Missing is a difficult concept. You may miss an idea, person, thing, the idea of a person. There are so many things. And missing is okay, I miss certain aspects of life every damn day. But I try to remind myself that it was a different time and I have moved on from those things. I will never forget them (or maybe I will because apparently some things go in one ear out the other), I have learned from every single thing that has happened in my life. As you have even if you do not realize. Just imagine if you did not run your errands and instead laid in your bed you could have met the love of your life, or learned something, seen something. Who knows, because you never know.

I struggle with going outside of my comfort zone. I just read a book The Mountain is You, and the author Brenda (yes first name basis because she’s my go to gal) talked about anything new or challenging is going to be tough, but that is what makes the growth, getting uncomfortable to grow. This may sound super small or stupid, but to me it is something I struggle with. That would be talking on the phone. I do not know what it is, it just gives me anxiety - I guess it can be linked to social anxiety. But I will avoid almost all calls, not because I do not want to talk to you, just because I am simply horrified. I am not the type of person who loves texting. So this issue becomes difficult. I have dealt with this most of my life but what I started doing is leaving my ringer on. If I hear it I answer it.

Another thing from the book by Brenda is that if you want to change, start by doing the new tasks for even 30 seconds, or a minute each day. I have been trying to get back into meditating and even if I do it for 20 seconds I have done good.

After I get off the phone and force myself to answer I am one step better than I was before. What I tell myself is to also try calling people instead of texting. This way I am in control and hold the power. Again it might seem like the most obscure things but to me it is a lot. Everyones “steps'' or pushes vary so no judgment. Someone else's steps might be jumping out of a plane or going outside or even leaving the house, everyone has their variations.

Missing is something I had journaled about almost two years ago. I talked about my doggie and other things. But I do miss my puppy with all my heart, yes life goes on and it takes time and growth to move on. But it does not mean I do not think about her everyday, or still look for her running around the yard whenever I pull into the driveway. I am sure most of you feel this way either with a pet, person, place, who knows. After I moved out of my childhood home I missed it so so much. I had probably over 100 dreams about the house. I would literally cry about it. It is always difficult at first but now (4 ish years later) I realize it happened for a reason. There are things in life that make no sense, and come across extremely irritating, but as time goes on you will see the lesson it brought about. I miss my old house, but I think I miss the memories and happy times that came with it more. I grew up in that house, learned how to ride a bike, shed tears, laughed to tears, fought with my siblings about every possible situation, the possibilities are endless my friend. And just think about it this way, now I love my backyard at my new house, it is like watching a nature documentary.

Missing the idea of what once was is the most challenging for me. All you might want is to just go back and feel those good emotions. At the end of the day you have to find that happiness through other times in your life. Yes when I am 9 my biggest worry is if my friend will be absent from school that day. And today it might be extreme failure, being out of control, not falling in love, death, who knows. But what I have realized is that it is no way to live. It is truly not fair to yourself. Life is short, enjoy where you are. Things change, places change, you change. It is just part of life. Might not be something we like, but in reality it is how the world goes round.

Let’s be honest we all create a perfect reality whether that is with a boy, school, money, friendships, anything. I constantly used to think about certain situations I wanted to happen, specifically with a boy. I would create this false reality in which they were virtually perfect, obsessed with me, funny, all those things. I really do think I “imagined” all these scenarios and it led me to believe they were real. Not the case most of the time. I think my problem is I trust people too much, giving them the benefit of the doubt. I had to learn, or train myself to put up boundaries and protect my soul. Not completely shut people off, but become more aware. If you are in any type of relationship and it is not benefitting you it is simply not worth it. Like I said, life is short, enjoy it with people who bring you up.

You know I love a good ole trusty definition. So here is the def of missing.

1. not present or included when expected or supposed to be.

2. (of a person) absent from a place, especially home, and of unknown whereabouts

"not present" that is the word that sticks out to me most. When I see that I think not living in the moment, but living in the past. My advice to every single person is to live in the present. Easier said than done, but life is so fucking short. I remember when I was lets say 8 I would see teenagers driving, or doing cool looking things and think god I can not wait to be like that. Now I see kids biking around town or just being little shits and think man the things I would do to go back.

Missing "simpler" times, or when you did not feel the weight of your world on your shoulders. Life goes on, people adapt.

Okay next definition... moving on

1. leave. "the Mounties briskly ordered them to move on"

2. start doing something new or making progress. "I've been in this job long enough—it's time I moved on"

"making progress" now I like that. Because it is not that you are forgetting everything you are just changing, evolving, putting yourself first.

When I looked up the definition I found a list, "how to move on"

1. look at your life as a journey

2. silence your inner critic

3. reflect realistically

4. let go of fantasy

5. feel the feelings

6. talk about it

7. explore your attachment style

8. believe in yourself

9. embrace self-compassion

10. practicing mindfulness

11. don't ruminate

12. find a support team

13. practice self care

14. try new things and old ones, too

15. practice generosity

(https://www.psychalive.org/how-to-move-on/)

I just thought this was cool and interesting. The website goes more into depth if you are interested.

Believe in yourself

I like that one a lot. You do not realize how capable you are.

Feel the feelings

That one is big because to truly get over something you have to work through it and accept it. It might suck but in the end it will change yah.

With scenarios I had to realize that half of that shit is not real. Yes romanticize your life and all that, but do not romanticize a person, romanticize yourself. In order to be in a happy relationship you have to have a strong happy relationship with yourself. At the end of the day don't we all miss something? No matter how big or small. When I miss things I feel as if I am living in the past. But then again it is good to have something to miss, which means you’re doing something right. ( I think? Maybe who knows we’re all just trying to get by.

New semester of school is coming up, and yah know what my motto is– yolo era. Yup you heard this right I am putting myself out there, saying yes to things, in moderation of course and just enjoying life. I feel as if I always hold back or hesitate, well this year nope not an option just do it. What is the worst that could happen? You fall? Well get back up. You get denied? Oh well not meant to be. You ask someone out and they deny you? Sucks but there will be another person. Try to live for you and you only. Like I said we are in our yolo era.

Xxx

Kay