Change is a Chain Reaction

The change after college.  Wowza never thought I would say I was two weeks away from graduating college.  I mean I know they say time flies but holy cow.  When change happens I tend to reflect and look back.  I think about little freshman Kayla at PSU so lost and confused and just full on down.  And then I think about myself now and think how damn lucky I am.  This is literally everything I ever wanted.  To love my school, have amazing friends that make my home away from home so amazing.  Graduation is bittersweet.  I am sooooooooo done with doing school work and going to class.  But the real world… oh god so scary.  It is scary but also exciting.  I mean any change is scary.  And I know it will take me time to figure everything out.  Just remind yourself that you're on your own time.  Whatever you do is your timeline you do not have to follow everyone else.

(I remind myself that a lot.  I saw a tik tok and this lady moved out after college had a job, and then everything went to shit and she moved home at 25.  And then she figured it out from there. And that reminded me that it is completely fine whatever you do.  Who cares?  Gotta do what is best for you at that moment.)

I know at this point it is so damn hard to not compare yourself to others.  Whether you're graduating college, or just going through a slight change. 

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Comparison is a bitch. 

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Right now my mind is going through “this person has a job, a place to live, a plan.”  And what do I have?  But I think that is also an awesome aspect.  

The fact that I can practically do and go wherever I want because I have that freedom.  It makes me hopeful. And if I try something and don’t like it, on to the next.  If you’re in the same stage as me we gotta remember this is where we try, mess up, and go for another round.  Even though I still go to school on the same coast I still live 11 hours away.  It made me realize that I can start over somewhere knowing no one and no idea of my surroundings and be okay.  It gave me freedom to remember you can do this, and if you want to change your life or where you live it will not be easy.  It was hard at first but now where I am three years later it makes it all worth it.  Not many people can say they truly love their school, and god damnnnnn am I obsessed. 

I love the south, the SEC, the shitty bars we hit every weekend, the people that make me laugh uncontrollably, the late night taco bell orders (that need to stop), the porch sits where me and Lydia wave to everyone in the hood, tanning by the pool, bonfires, cold beers, aeperol spritzes with Ea, cook outs, dancing on benches, dancing everywhere, working in a fun environment, car rides with the windows down and the sun shining.  

I love it all I really do.  I mean there always the hard parts of college, but still the good out weigh the bad sometimes. And before I moved down here I was so comfortable at home.  I had my friends, my family, my doggies, my gym, my fav food places.  I was comfortable, but I simply was not happy.  I love my family, friends, and home. Don't get me wrong, but I needed to get out of that comfort zone.  I needed to rely on myself to make that change and make a difference for myself. And trust me it took a full year for me to make a change and figure it out.  And I was terrified.  I remember when I said bye to my friends I sobbed, because the next day I was driving 11 hours down to a new place.  I was terrified.  

But my dad drove me down, set me up, then the next day he was gone.  And then I cried again!  And he called me saying he found ice cream, but I know he was just calling to make sure I was not falling apart.  It went up and down it took me time to adjust, but here I am now.  The thought of graduating makes me wanna sob, but also gets me excited.  I am entering the adult life now I guess!  

The fact that the next mile stone in my life is marriage, EWWWWWWW.

But hey that’s far away.  

Trust me in three months I will probably read this post and think okay Kayla relax you currently are miserable going through this change and trying to figure it out.  But then maybe a year later I will look back and think it only gets better Kay.  I am talking a lot of third person right now geez.  

My advice for people going through change is to take care of yourself.  It sounds simple, but wake up and fuel that body.  Eat good, it really does help, have that nasty celery juice or that wellness shot.  Put your mind and body first.  If you keep spiraling and you are not putting yourself first it will just get worse.  YOU have to put yourself first bottom line.  Treat yourself too, a manicure or blowout never hurts.  I remember when I was really down I called the salon and scheduled a blowout and I felt so good.  

Treat yourself, put yourself out there, make future plans.  It can be so scary starting over and reaching out to others but trust me it is worth it.  If I didn’t reach out to some people they wouldn't be my good friends today, I wouldn’t be where I am.

Putting yourself out there is terrifying, but what could go wrong?  You never see them again, oh well not meant to be.  Life goes on.  And you gotta take those risks.  Even if they are as tiny as trying a new coffee shop in a new area. Smile at strangers, be kind, bring others up, you have no idea how much you may be helping them.  

But besides the fact change, no matter how big or small something is, we all struggle with it. Nostalgia is a real thing my friends.  And if you are about to graduate and have no idea what you’re doing you are totally not alone my friend, I am right there with yah.  (and so are many others I know) But we will figure it out, we always do don’t we.

And If we are sad to move on we have to remind ourselves damn I am so happy I have someone, somewhere, or something to miss so deeply.